The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys'
The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys':For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning's live 3-D reenactment of "Invasion of AstroMonster." This is what they'd say repeatedly:
"You know! Boys will be boys!"
"He's just going through a phase!"
"He's such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!"
"Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!"
"He. Just. Can't. Help himself!"
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn't have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, "What red-blooded boy wouldn't knock it down?"
She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.
It was so tempting.
He just couldn't control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
She had to keep her building safe.
Her consent didn't matter. Besides, it's not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn't a "legitimate" knocking over if she didn't throw a tantrum.
His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she "shouldn't have gone to preschool" at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know it's a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don't "get raped" and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of "don't rape."
Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person's space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy's behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the "rules" his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn't much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can't make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he's older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, "No, I don't want to. Stop. Leave."
The "overarching attitudinal characteristic" of abusive men is entitlement
This is so brilliant. We learn things from socialization process. What our parents, friends and peers do, media and all. I think perhaps rape is because parents think boys will be boys, they bully, fight and destroy things, it's their characteristics so they don't bother to stop them. But it manifests in them, knowing or unknowingly, they will just think, because I'm a boy and boys tend to do these, so it doesn't matter even if the girl hates it, says no, because I'm a boy.
Just reblog this, this message is really powerful. For parents and future parents.
What's also interesting, is if you frame this as about spoiling your children, and about spoiled children, people tend to agree and get it. They'll agree that children whose parents lay down no boundaries for them when they hurt others, who let them have whatever they want at the expense of others, and justify away the harm they do, will probably grow up thinking they can do this to others (usually weaker than them, or they perceive as weaker) as adults. But if you mention the word "privilege", "entitlement" or anything relating to gender, everybody freaks the f- out and will deny up, down, back, forth, and sideways that how you raise a child, what you allow them to get away with, or training them that their hurtful behaviour will always be justified, can affect them at all.
ALL OF THIS.
Obligatory read FOR EVERYONE
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fucking hell my dad was carving the chicken for dinner and all of a sudden i just hear him manically giggling to himself so i fucking go into the kitchen and this is what i fucking find
jesus christ dad what the fuck
all-things-bright-and-beyootiful: Photography: Mary McHenry
all-things-bright-and-beyootiful:
Photography: Mary McHenry
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I'm not even joking.
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This is a legit training video.
This is real.
why did i watch the whole thing
Omfg
This is really catchy??
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Wow what a nice sketch bo- OH.
*inhales*
NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
W̸̗ͩͭ̄̾̇ͦ̂̔̚ͅh̖̗̭͂̆̚a̶̯̺̥̙͒̿̐̃ͥ̚t͗̉҉͖̬͕'͂ͨ͞҉̻̫̱̹̲̮͔ͅṡ̼̦̗̎͑ ̛͍̥̦̯͕̰̙͑̽ͫ͜y͎̲̲̹̭̺̩̅̃̎̐ͧ̽ͮ͜ọ̞̖̬̼̘̓ͬͣ̐ͮ͡ụ̓̌r̡̮̺̝̭̤̂̔̒̌ͮ̊ͫ ̉̓ͤ̚͏̮̥͍͎̺͈̟f̡͈̿a̮̠͔̔ͭv̛ͥ̾͑̀͢҉̖̪̝̺͙͚̰͚o̶̠̭̗̗͋̈́r̷͓̮͙̝̥̂ͮ̾͘͜ͅi̧̖̠̯̟̾͐ͦͣ͢ẗ͚͔́ͥ̍e̸͉̜̹̯̗̜̘̠͇ͦ̅͋͜ ̳̭͚͍̃ͦ͌ͥ̊̇̎̉̉͝ȋ̸̴̡̙̞̳͖͖̹̺̼̊ͦ̎͊ͥd̵͕͍̅ͥ̎ͫͬ́ͥͮe̡̻̦ͩ̾ͯͫ̚a͂̑͏̸̴̯̳̮̪?̘̥͚͉͒ͯͫ͒͂ͣ͌̍ ̨͇̤̫͉ͮ͗̿ͭ͆̑͟͠ͅM̶̫̠̹̤̻̍̽͞i͕̊̿͐̂̃́͆̔̚n̵͖͓̦̼͕̜̓̽ͨ͠e͚̻̫̯͙ͣͣͬ ̴̧̺͉̝̹̳̽ͮͦͭ̈̅̂i̷̞̲̝̻̹̭̝ͤ̔̋͜s̴̹̗̖̜͕ͫ̋̄͛̿ͅ ̡̬͈̝̰̦̩ͫ͗͛̽̃͂ͮ̕t͔̜̮̰̩͋́̎͑̓ͪ̋͛̀̕͡h̶̺̻̜̳̮̱ͩ̌̐͊ͅi͑͛̓̄ͦ͏̢̘͉̫n̶͙̱̩͎͕ͯ̎ͬ̾̆͌ͨ͞ͅk̵̤̦̺̠͕̖̱͗̓̈́͛͜ĭ͙̅͒̓͒ͥͯͫn̘̯̳͕͖̰̻̗͂̾ͅg̖͌̆ͩ̉ͅ ̻̠̞̭̇ͨͩ̐͜c̵̸̰͇̗͚̥͌r͈̝ͭ̋̋͑͑̈̚͠ͅe̘̳̗͎̩̯̯ͩͧa̶̤̟͕̪͖͈̯͛̓͆̂̅ť̵̹̬̺͕͡ͅi̧̪͚͔͕͉̼̳̿̍͛̿͂̓ͭ̚v̰̪̜̩ͬe̷ͨͪ͋͆̑̀͆̃̄҉̣͕̺̮̣̮̼l̛̗̭͓͚̂̇̿y̘̘̹͉̙ͦ̔̓!̷̫̰̦͍́̐̉́
That is not thinking cre.a.tive.ly
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casker: a-tardis-called-serenity: the-fandoms-are-cool: bird-a...
Without further ado, the completed short.
Two boys cross their societal boundaries and fall in love. In time, they change each other, and eventually, their divided world.Senior graduation animation produced at the Kansas City Art Institute, May 2013. Directed by Ann Mendenhall and Stephanie Son.
Enjoy!
if you just watch one video today, I hope it's this one
this is the absolute cutest and deepest film I've seen in a long time
This is adorable and brilliant. wow.
AWWW THIS IS SO GREAT Please take the time to watch it!
rubych4n: 'dad' a young boy goes to his father, 'I'm depressed because I have a personality crisis...
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the father sighs pitifully and pats his son's arm 'dere dere, tsun'
kateordie: beccaandthebox: doubts All day, every day
doubts
All day, every day
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what the fuck is wrong with this show
This scene right here is why I got into Adventure Time. This scene was INCREDIBLY dark, twisted, and disturbing AT FACE VALUE. It gets SO MUCH WORSE when you stop to think about it.
Finn is there because he's tired of being called a child. He wants to grow up. He wants to be a MAN. And here come beautiful women, telling him to partake of their fruit. And Finn is going to do it, because Jake told him not too and Finn is being rebellious and decided since Jake said not to he was going to be an adult and do it anyway. So Finn starts to take this fruit to show he's not a child anymore.
And the fruit turns out to be a terrible curse, an awful thing. The one that ate the fruit was eaten alive by the other monsters (And gifs can't do that scene justice, if I remember it right when they start tearing the skin off the apple there are tearing sounds and the 'apple' starts to cry or scream and the fleshy insides quiver around the bones as its torn apart and devoured.)
And I realized they just couched a lesson about kids having sex too early to try to grow up, in ways no kid is ever going to understand, in the confines of a fantasy-setting cartoon show, on Cartoon Network.
And I've been hooked on this show ever since.
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